Various Lies

Saturday, August 10, 2013

So here I am once more

In the playground of the broken hearts,
One more experience, one more entry in a diary, self-penned.
Yet another emotional suicide 
Overdosed on sentiment and pride.
Too late to say I love you,
Too late to re-stage the play,
Abandoning the relics in my playground of yesterday,

Fish wrote that for another thought a lifetime away from here. It feels appropriate in a maudlin fashion.

Today my child was born. Emotional day, long time coming. 9 months is a lifetime and more and second time around it's more, in every way. 2 lives now depend on me; 3 with my wife's dependence upon me. More and more with reciprocal and recursive need, dependence. Now add family. Now add The Bloodline.

All my life was the bloodline. Something about us, we, me and it never ended even when Ancestry-dot-com showed we were mutts in our mother's line (but what interesting mutts! There was money, and a European aristocrat in almost-living-memory. If almost living is a military minded family who thinks in terms of how the Hanoverian changed our relationship with Europe for the better (We Won the War(s) after all)).

I act the role in classic style 
Of a martyr carved with twisted smile
To bleed the lyric for this song 
To write the rites to right my wrongs 
An epitaph to a broken dream
To exercise this silent scream
A scream that's born from sorrow

And here I am so worn from the hoped for grandeur that I always wanted because it's all ever I wanted because it's all I ever knew. Too much fantasy, too much fiction, and suddenly a father of two. A son and a daughter. A name to continue (and secretly, far more importantly, a real bloodline to continue  Her mitochondrial genome far outweighs our meagre contribution. The Jews are half right. She is the bloodline, but he the heir. Let the Patriarchy run strong.))

The fool escaped from paradise 
Will look over his shoulder and cry
Sit and chew on daffodils and struggle to answer "Why?" 
As you grow up and leave the playground 
Where you kissed your prince and found your frog
Remember the jester that showed you tears, the script for tears

I'm home alone. The Heir is with his grandmother. The mother alone. All is as it should be and largely beyond my immediate control.

There was a dead fly in a glass when I got home tonight. I emptied the glass and it flew away. It wasn't dead, it was just drunk. 


ScientistMother said...

I'm thinking you just had another baby, congratulations. The little girl will rule you. :)

Pharm Sci Grad said...


Congrats ol' friend. Glad to hear you're all here, safe and sound.

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