Various Lies

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Absentee BlogLord

Damn it's been a while.

This is a nothing post, just a place holder to let my Reader know I haven't fallen down a hole somewhere.

I split up with my fiance, which sucks, but is probably a good thing in the long run. We had a lot of self-fulfilling, overindulgent bad habits that need to be addressed and we were getting nowhere trying to do it together. I met again last night to tell her I need to not see her for a while, for despite being separated we were still hanging out most weekends. It was a thoroughly depressing talk and I got the feeling that she doesn't really get it. We'll see. I have to have my space if I'm going to fix things. Then maybe there'll time to fix us, but I can't and won't make promises.

Our big CTSA grant isn't going to get funded and we're out of submissions so on or before June 1st my institute will cease to exist. This has obviously been massively stressful, because no only is it my job on the line, but those of "my staff". Four young(ish) men who rely on me to keep the money coming in. Two had babies (or rather, their wives did) recently too, so there's an added pressure bonus.

I've been offered a position as Director of Faculty Development within our Office of Academic Affairs. This would pave the way to a possible Deanship in a few years, or even a Vice-Chancellorship. But... as much as I've enjoyed doing some of the work they've given me to test/train me, it's when I sit down to work with our faculty collaborators on their clincial trials that I really feel the love for my job.

I am a scientist at heart and I love the 'doing' of science, albeit vicariously. However, it's scary thinking about turning down a promotion and payrise to stay where I am, on soft money in an Institute that soon ceases to exist. My Unit will be kept around -  we actually generate a portion of our running costs and it will get better as we pick up more projects. But... we're also getting a new Vice Chancellor for Research soon and will s/he want to keep me/us around? Will she see the value in providing core biomedical and clincial informatics support? I hope so - my University is looking to recruit up to 70 new MD/MD-PhD clincial scientists over the next five years and my Unit provides an essential service (secure, centralised, professional and cost effective data management support). But, who knows what the new VC will judge her priorities to be?

So... a lot on my mind right now. It's hard to write. I'm reading your blogs, but not commenting right now either. I'll be back soon, hopefully with happier and better news. Or at least a story involving something humorous. This place has been a bit morose recently....

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Best way to break up: No contact. 60 days. Even if you want to remain friends. You can pick up your stuff in 60 days. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

at least no contact for three weeks - to start. 60 days can be very hard.

tideliar said...

Hi Anonymouses. Thanks for commenting.

We met to talk about the 60 day (minimum) issue. I don't think she gets it, but I'm going to enforce it... I agree, it's agonising, but essential.

:(

anon said...

well, just don't answer phone nor texts? you can avoid the places you both go too. It sounds a bit over the top maybe but I find that the best way.

Cath@VWXYNot? said...

Hang in there, friend. And trust your gut on the job front.

Anonymous said...

Fuck. You poor bastard. That's really rough.

-antipodean

tideliar said...

Cheers y'all.

I can't seem to delete her number (for emotional reasons...I know it by heart, but seeing her name pop up makes it hard). But I'm trying...

The bean-mom said...

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry and hang in there (lame as that sounds, I know). I've been lurking here a while, and have always enjoyed your posts. Hopefully you'll have something happier to write about soon. And like Cath said--trust your gut when it comes to the job front. Heck, trust your gut about most things, I say.

Ian said...

Heya Bean-Mom, I promise to be more fucking cheerful soon. I've had a couple of local friends ask me WTF is going on with the tone in here. I gotta find something daft/funny to talk about :)

Thanks for commenting. Means a lot.

Autistic Lurker said...

perhaps you need to send frankie her way but what exactly are the bad habits you both had and why did you lead to have these bad habits? don't answer these here but instead, think about them.

A.L.

Anonymous said...

Ian?

having multiple personalities, do you?

tideliar said...

not exactly a fukken trade secret m'dear anonymous lurker