Various Lies

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Do Not Open This Door!

No matter how much I beg. No matter how much I plead. No matter the screams you might hear!



The greatest movie ever made!


Do not open this door, or you will ruin all my hard work!

Yes, Dear Reader, we're going for another attempt at stopping smoking. Not quitting; no one wants to be a quitter. So, I'm just...stopping.

Those of you who've followed my Meanderings over the last year or so will remember I last tried to stop in August 2010, and I wrote about it over at LabSpaces. I think I stayed clean for a month or so before slipping back into old habits. A ciggie here, a ciggie there, all OK cos it was just a trip to the bar with mates. Nothing bad. I wasn't really smoking again, seriously!

And then eventually buying a pack because I felt bad about stealing off my friends (a habit I despise in others' and which I will not tolerate in myself). Of course rarely can I smoke an entire pack in one evening, no matter how late I stay up, so there's a few cigarettes left in the morning. Just one to help me get the day started. Just to take the edge off the craving and the hangover.

And then, well I might as well just keep this half pack in my pocket, seeing as it'd be a shame to leave it laying around at home where the cats might eat it (a drug addict's internal logic is a wonderful thing).

Then a bad day at work, exacerbated by writing our CTSA grant with little to no guidance. High stress, pack in my pocket, just one smoke...

An endless litany of excuses and weakness. My dad once said I had the willpower of a hobby horse and I fear he's right (he quit cold turkey in 1979). However, as Cervantes said, "Faint heart ne'er won fair maid". And thus, here we go with another attempt.

I want to stop. I really want to stop.

I hate smelling of smoke
I hate being broke because I spend upwards of $200/month on smokes
I hate having to plan social events around smoke breaks
I hate being breathless
I hate being a demographic that dies young
I hate being an addict

Wish me luck Dear Reader. Feel free to leave messages of support and admonishment. Feel free to check up on me. Feel free to bully me on Twitter.

02/02/11...WILL be known as the day I stopped being an addict.

I am Dr. TIDELIAR!! (non-smoker)

19 comments:

Stephen Curry said...

Very best of luck!

And what a great movie... put on some ritz for me.

The Grand Inquisitor said...

how about a punch in the face per ciggy? i will happily deliver the first 10 or so

tideliar said...

@Scurry: Cheers mate. If I can go 6 weeks, I'll do a YouTube of me as The Monster, how's that? :)

@GI: uh, how about some positive reinforcement instead? Unless I can reciprocate on Sneaky Pete... y'know...pass it forward and all that...

gertyz said...

Yay! Hope the door stays closed this time.

Cath@VWXYNot? said...

Good luck!

Got any mates who can "sponsor" you? Hubby and I have promised $100 to a friend who quit at New Year if he makes it to Christmas, and other friends have chipped in similar amounts!

tideliar said...

Me too... I wanna come visit PacNW and I know you don't like smokers so...

:)

Alyssa said...

Sending you tons of kick-that-habit-to-the-curb vibes!

The Sugar Scientist said...

Good luck! You can do it -- think about how freeing it will be to not be chained to smoke breaks anymore. If I had any money I would totally sponsor you, but, uh... grad student stipend.

tideliar said...

@cath: genius plan! bribe my friends into keeping me alive longer! :D@

@alyssa: cheers!

@SS: SRSLY we all know grad students are totes overpaid. Y'all should save up so you can pay me! >:)

gertyz said...

I can't bribe with $$, but if you stay smoke free, when you make it over to my non-smoking part of the world I will buy you several drinks!!

CK said...

When you make up your mind, you can do it. My dad chain smoked all the years I was growing up. I don't think I have any childhood memories of him w/o a cig in hand. I tried everything to get him to quit - breaking his cigs, hiding them, verbal harassment, photos of damaged lungs, honest pleading after two of my girlfriends lost their father's to cancer before their 25th birthdays. No effect. Then one day in my 30's, he bought a box of nicotine patches, quit, and never looked back. I think it was having to tell his own father to quit (b/c granddad was on oxygen) and (a) not wanting to be a hypocrite and (b) seeing what the end-stages of a lifetime of smoking looks like. I would never have thought dad would quit, but he did. You can too.

scicurious said...

You can do it. YOU CAN.

And if you do I'll send you Sci-swag or something at Xmas! yes?

Jade said...

Dr. Tideliar,
I am positive you will succeed since you have made up your mind once and for all. You can do it.

My guy quit smoking 3 years ago cold turkey after smoking for 20 years. For him it took crushing chest pain and high blood pressure (and he's not that old) to say enough.

He doesn't miss it at all. He said he never realized how bad someone stinks after smoking until, after quitting, he sat next to some smokers.

Be strong and work out A LOT. You definitely won't desire smoking when you are getting into shape.

Congratulations on your new beginning!

Nico said...

Come on you can do it, surely the pain you suffer when quitting is nothing compared to that in a good sparring session! You're tough, beat it, I know it's hard (been there) because it's yourself you're fighting, not some sorry ass dude in a ring. And remember:

http://www.akrapus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/antismoking18.jpg

rpg said...

You're not staying in my spare room smelling like smoke.

Dr Becca said...

Stay strong! You can do this. Just think about all the nice things you could buy yourself with that $200 each month!

Micro Dr. O said...

Oh, I know from personal experience how hard this is!! I smoked all through college and grad school and tried to quit SO. MANY. TIMES. I finally quit for good, using Zyban to help, when I started my postdoc (5 years ago). I had to surround myself with non-smokers, and recent non-smoking laws at bars have been a lifesaver. I finally reached a place where cigs aren't tempting, even when having a beer, but it took a while to get there. Best of luck, and I'll be checking up on you with Twitter! I'm sure I can spare some postdoc chump change, or other sufficient bribes, when you make it to Christmas!! :) :)

Karen said...

You can do it! Just imagine you're a pregnant woman :P

microbiologist xx said...

Good luck. I hope you are still doing well 8 days in! I've been there too and I, on occasion, still am there.