Various Lies

Sunday, January 23, 2011

who is that in the mirror?

When do you say enough?

She is divorced 2 years now, and has earned a reputation as the village bicycle. We all go through it after a break up, but the judgement on women is far harsher.

but after 2 years it's not the same thing. You're on a destructive streak a country mile wide. You stay in bars to get drunk, get high and fuck strangers. All. The. Fucking.Time.

every night. your kid got sick and you co-opted the sympathy to make sure your bills were paid and your coke habit was fed. Who is that person? Who do you see in a mirror? No one, I think. You don't want to die, you're to fucked up to know you're still alive.

Me and my girlfriend drag you out the bar to try and make sure you're safe. You try and fuck me as soon as we get home and her back is turned. What the fuck is wrong with you?



she has her eye on a guy in the bar. We pointed out that she doesn't know him, anything about him. She's a predator. She's sharking him. She's now trying to talk Kali into driving her to the bar, because after she found her car keys we then had to explain that her car wasn't here.

And now she's bad mouthing me. I can hear her, telling how I made a move on her, so as to manipulate Kali to her side so she'll drive her back to the bar. To try and fuck a stranger. And more likely to get some blow.

I'm live blogging a woman going to hell, because I'm hiding in the attic staying away from her. If I go downstairs she'll sexually assault me again, "thinking" that pointless sex fills the void of companionship she needs, and also by doing so she'll make Kali upset at me and get driven back to the bar.

Now she's crying crocdile tears about her son with cancer. But I know it's lies now. It's not just about him. It's another fucking addict trying to get what she wants. A free ride to some blow. But she's also my friend.

So tell me. When is it enough?

9 comments:

NatC said...

Here's something I learned the hard way (different story, same general outline) - enough is when your friend's problems are like a black hole dragging you in. Enough is when it starts to erode your relationships with other people.
To be honest, enough comes long before that, but that's a line we cannot see until it's too late.

As I see it there are three clear options:
1. watch her to continue to self-destruct;
2. drag her into rehab/treatment (not as easy as it seems);
3. just walk away.

But here's the thing. The worst thing. It's not clear that any one of these options will change the trajectory, and at some point (and maybe you're there now) the option pool narrows to #3.
Just know this: walking away doesn't make you a bad person, a bad friend, it makes (keeps) you sane.

My heart goes out to you and Kali. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, especially not the people who care enough to be involved.
Stay safe.

tideliar said...

Thank you NatC.

Jade said...

Tide,
People like this, I would avoid. You can support her son and feel sorry for her from afar, but she is not your friend. This is a one-sided friendship.
She has demonstrated she will not hesitate to stab you in the back to get what she wants. This time it was your relationship. What will it be next time? Do you even want to wait around to find out?

The kind of help she needs is professional. I wouldn't give her a second chance to cause more harm to you in any way.

It would be loving to yourself to distance yourself as much as possible from her while she is in this state of covert hostility towards you.

Autistic Lurker said...

So tell me. When is it enough?

I'm biased but it's enough now. Look out after yourself.

My best friend, sometime girlfriend (I don't really know our boundary...) told me to slack off the beer. She doesn't have the energy to withstand myself going down a similar path. I'll do; it's hard but I love her.

A.L.

tideliar said...

@Jade: I am putting as kuch distance as I can getween her and crazy life. Her ex-is a psycho stalker type too. I'm not scared of him, he's annoying not dangerous, but again not drama I need right now.

@AL: Thanks for stopping by. The other part of the plan is moderate my own habits. Obviously I'm starting to run with the wrong crowd if things like this keep happening...

tideliar said...

@Jade: I am putting as kuch distance as I can getween her and crazy life. Her ex-is a psycho stalker type too. I'm not scared of him, he's annoying not dangerous, but again not drama I need right now.

@AL: Thanks for stopping by. The other part of the plan is moderate my own habits. Obviously I'm starting to run with the wrong crowd if things like this keep happening...

microbiologist xx said...

Speaking as someone with a serious coke addict in the family: It sounds like enough was probably a long time ago. Take care of yourself and try your best not to be an enabler (no cash, no rides to bars, no partying together, etc). I'm sure you already know this though.

tideliar said...

yeah. her and one of her 'boyfriends' turned up at my house, late one night a couple of weeks ago asking for cash..."I lost my ATM card".

right. sure you did.

Thomas Joseph said...

I'm with NatC and MXX. If I were you, I would have already reached the "enough is enough" limit.

If you don't push her away, she'll take everything YOU LOVE down with her as well.